Holiday Celebrities: Criminal Justice

Book By: Bryan Starchman
Play #: 8338
Pages: 62 pgs
Cast: Widely flexible cast, approx. 12 m, 9 w, 13 flexible.

"Attention all units. Be on the look out for a man with pink wings and a bag full of human teeth. He's considered unarmed and hilarious." What if the holiday celebrities that we all know and love lived among us? Would they still be welcomed with open arms or would their actions be considered criminal? In "Holiday Celebrities: Criminal Justice" we enter the dark underbelly of the holiday celebrity world -- a world where Santa's been dodging his taxes, the Easter Bunny gets caught breaking and entering, and the Thanksgiving Turkey is wanted for grand theft auto after stealing a poultry truck and driving straight for the border. The police will be working overtime as they deport leprechauns, arrest Cupid for assault with a deadly weapon, and shoot down witches flying over restricted areas. Call your lawyer and make bail in time to see this satirical play based on all of your favorite traditions!

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Productions

GOOD SHEPHERD EPISCOPAL SCHOOL 1 Performance(s)
DALLAS, TX 2/22/2019
OREGON HIGH SCHOOL 3 Performance(s)
OREGON, IL 12/20/2018
HUEY 1 Performance(s)
GARDEN CITY, KS 12/16/2016
LAKENHEATH MIDDLE SCHOOL 1 Performance(s)
APO, AE 4/29/2016
PHOENIX CHRISTIAN PREPARATORY 2 Performance(s)
PHOENIX, AZ 5/15/2015
MHS DRAMA CLUB 2 Performance(s)
MONTESANO, WA 11/12/2014
BEAVER ISLAND COMMUNITY SCHOOL 1 Performance(s)
BEAVER ISLAND, MI 5/14/2014
HOLY INNOCENTS EPISCOPAL SCHO 2 Performance(s)
ATLANTA, GA 3/27/2014
JEFFERSON MIDDLE SCHOOL 2 Performance(s)
WINSTON-SALEM, NC 3/6/2014
LYONS DECATUR NORTHEAST 1 Performance(s)
LYONS, NE 3/5/2014
CREEKWOOD MIDDLE SCHOOL 2 Performance(s)
KINGWOOD, TX 12/4/2012
GORZYCKI MIDDLE SCHOOL 2 Performance(s)
AUSTIN, TX 12/15/2011
EAST CARTERET HS 1 Performance(s)
BEAUFORT, NC 12/13/2011
LAKENHEATH MS 1 Performance(s)
APO, AE 11/30/2011
COLLEGE STATION MIDDLE SCHOOL 2 Performance(s)
COLLEGE STATION, TX 11/29/2010
RICHLAND HIGH SCHOOL 1 Performance(s)
LYNNVILLE, TN 4/30/2010
BISON SCHOOL 2 Performance(s)
BISON, SD 1/8/2010
FYCC ST MICHAEL-ALBERTVL 1 Performance(s)
SAINT MICHAEL, MN 12/18/2009
HARTINGTON PUBLIC SCHOOLS 5 Performance(s)
HARTINGTON, NE 12/15/2009
SOUTHWEST HIGH SCHOOL 1 Performance(s)
INDIANOLA, NE 11/23/2009
BURNEY HIGH SCHOOL 2 Performance(s)
BURNEY, CA 11/12/2009
SPRING CREEK HIGH SCHOOL 2 Performance(s)
SPRING CREEK, NV 11/1/2009
DADE COUNTY COMMUNITY THEATRE 2 Performance(s)
GREENFIELD, MO 7/17/2009
HOWARD STREET CHARTER SCHOOL 2 Performance(s)
SALEM, OR 6/9/2009
BARDSTOWN HIGH SCHOOL 1 Performance(s)
BARDSTOWN, KY 5/1/2009
FRONTIER TRAIL JUNIOR HIGH 2 Performance(s)
OLATHE, KS 4/20/2009
CENTRAL MIDDLE SCHOOL 3 Performance(s)
EDEN PRAIRIE, MN 2/5/2009
ALBERT GALLATIN HIGH SCHOOL 1 Performance(s)
UNIONTOWN, PA 12/12/2008
CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL 2 Performance(s)
WARTBURG, TN 12/11/2008
MILLARD NORTH MIDDLE SCHOOL 2 Performance(s)
OMAHA, NE 11/14/2008
SAM ROTOLO MIDDLE SCHOOL OF BA 2 Performance(s)
BATAVIA, IL 10/23/2008
AMSA CHARTER SCHOOL 1 Performance(s)
MARLBOROUGH, MA 5/30/2008
BREWSTER MIDDLE SCHOOL 1 Performance(s)
CAMP LEJEUNE, NC 5/29/2008
SULLIVAN HIGH SCHOOL 3 Performance(s)
SULLIVAN, IN 4/15/2008
CARROLL COUNTY MIDDLE SCHOOL 1 Performance(s)
CARROLLTON, KY 3/15/2008
NAPOLEON HIGH SCHOOL 2 Performance(s)
NAPOLEON , MI 2/23/2008
CAVE CITY MIDDLE SCHOOL 1 Performance(s)
CAVE CITY, AR 12/17/2007
WAUNAKEE MIDDLE SCHOOL 1 Performance(s)
WAUNAKEE, WI 12/15/2007
THEATRE GROUP 1 Performance(s)
BRYAN, TX 12/14/2007
THEATRE GROUP 2 Performance(s)
SAINT CHARLES, MO 10/20/2007

Behind The Scenes

PLAYWRIGHT BRYAN STARCHMAN TALKS ABOUT

"HOLIDAY CELEBRITIES: CRIMINAL JUSTICE"

 

Q.: WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO WRITE THIS PLAY?

A.: While writing the first play, "Expose: Holiday Celebrities Tell All," I realized just how truly bizarre some our holidays are. On each holiday, or in honor of certain fairytale creatures, we give up what we would consider normal behavior and accept some pretty strange and sometimes disgusting traditions (like a magic fairy taking human teeth from under your child's pillow as they are sleeping). Taken out of context, these people would usually be arrested for what they do and the results would be hilarious. After writing the first play, I wasn't ready to give up these characters.

 

Q.: WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PART OR LINE IN THE PLAY? WHY?

A.: I love the whole Halloween/Jedi scene. It was so easy to write because I know so many people like Kenny. When my students performed the scene for an audience during the writing process, the crowd was laughing at almost every line. It was one scene I never got tired of rehearsing. I also love the idea of an Eagle going to Domesticated Animal Eaters Anonymous. I can just see him kicking it with his sponsor, a Burmese Python or an escaped Cheetah.

 

Q.: WHERE DO THE CHARACTERS COME FROM?

A.: The holiday celebrities all make a repeat appearance from "Expose," but the rest are sort of stock characters. The bratty little girl, the good cop/bad cop, etc. The real stars of the show are the holiday celebrities and most of them we have some idea or concept of but we never really think about how they live their everyday lives, so I just tried to imagine what it must be like to make rainbows every day or be married to Mother Earth.

 

Q.: WHAT DID YOU TRY TO ACHIEVE WITH THIS PLAY?

A.: I think it's obvious. I want people to fight for these characters' rights and get them out of prison so I can have another three-day weekend.

 

Q.: ANYTHING ELSE YOU'D LIKE TO SAY ABOUT IT?

A.: If this one does well, I think a trilogy may be in order -- a "Before They Were Stars" sort of play showing where they came from and what they were like as teenagers. Santa didn't always have a white beard, the Thanksgiving turkey was at one time just a little chick, and with a tooth fairy in training, all sorts of things could go wrong there. "No No! You take the tooth from under her pillow, don't try to pull one out of her mouth!"