Pat Cook

Pat Cook got his first taste of seeing his work in print while still in high school in Frankston, Texas, writing for the school paper. Then, during the summers, he wrote a column for his hometown newspaper. It wasn't until college, however, when he saw the movie version of Neil Simon's "The Odd Couple" that he decided to try his hand at writing plays. His first one-act, "The Boys in the Halls," a play about dorm life, was produced at Lon Morris Junior College in 1968 and has since vanished in some forgotten trash can. After moving to Houston he soon found other writing assignments at AstroWorld and in educational radio, night clubs and local television. His first play was published six years later. Still, writing was only a sideline along with several other odd jobs, which included playing piano in pizza parlors, acting in local commercials, industrial films and on stage, building scenery and selling pianos and organs. However, more plays got published and along the way, his wife, Rose Ann, taught him the joys of using a computer. This, coupled with his conviction to everything else and write full time, proved to be a turning point in his life. He has more than a hundred plays published by seven publishers. Many of these plays have been translated into Dutch and German. Further, he is also published in Eldridge's religious drama catalog (www.95church.com). He firmly believes that old saying, "The harder I work, the luckier I get," and that everyone has a story to tell, a dream to pursue. "And, believe me, if I can do it, anybody can!"

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  You Can't Beat the House

Comedy by Pat Cook

68 pages

4 m, 6 w


"I've had trouble breaking into a house before but this is the first time I've had problems breaking OUT again!" So moans Merle to his partner, Howie. These two minor-league burglars have really met their match this time, it seems. They decided on a house only to find, after managing to get into the place, that it's up for sale and before they can leave, Conrad and Glenda, prospective buyers, show up. Merle figures they have two choices - either pretend to be real estate agents or beat it, making the buyers suspect them and call in the police. Merle begins to...

  Murder for Dummies

Comedy by Pat Cook

79 pages

6 m, 10 w, much doubling possible


“So you want to commit a murder.” This is the first line in a book purchased by Myron Bernhart. And here’s a guy who knows his books since he’s collected some rare ones and proud of it. That is until his nagging wife, Marge, decides to sell them. He tries to reason with her but is argued down, not only by her but the Civic Arts League, her cronies who, of course, meet constantly at their house. When all else fails, Myron realizes it’s time to take drastic action and plans it all out. Of course, his imagination tends to wander a bit--from German psychiatrists ...

  If the Good Lord's Willing and the Creek Don't Rise

Comedy by Pat Cook

68 pages

4 m, 5 w


This zany comedy, in the spirit of Kaufman and Hart, centers on Doc, an eccentric old man whose house caters to all sorts of characters. Now a retired judge, he spends his days “enjoying life.” When he’s not flying around the countryside in his balloon or fishing in a nearby dry riverbed, he works on his books of nonsense. This prompts his daughter, Charlotte, to decide he’s lost his marbles. So, conspiring with a sly lawyer, she plans to not only become his guardian but also sell his house and property. Throw in a psychologist on her first case, love sick te...

  Little Town of Christmas

Christmas Comedy Holiday by Pat Cook

68 pages

Flexible cast of 15 to 50


Here's a comedy package of 12 yuletide sketches just perfect to give your audience for an evening's entertainment this Christmas! Everybody in the little town of Christmas is friendly and funny and you'll meet them all, including Skeezix and Sylvester, an elf comedy team that is short in stature and long in laughter; Dancer, the reindeer with a whacky sense of humor; Mrs. Claus, the REAL boss of the outfit; and a hilarious street corner Santa, tested and almost bested by one tough little kid with a sticky sucker. Also included are old favorite stories such as...

  Mobile Home Sweet Home

Comedy by Pat Cook

62 pages

4 m, 6 w, 4 flex


“How’d you like to be on television?” This question, posed by future daughter-in-law Anne, takes Loff DuVall by surprise. After all, he and May June had been running the Hampton Court trailer park for more years than either would care to admit. The last thing he’d want now is to be in some reality TV show. In fact, he was hoping he and May June could get away for a while, take a long vacation from the place. He wouldn’t have to listen to Goose Halford’s long stories, such as how his grandpa has a metal plate in his head. “The kids used to catch him asleep and...

  Little Christmas Spirit

Christmas Holiday Play by Pat Cook

55 pages

4 m, 5 w, 2 girls


J. D. Morse has been looking high and low for a special Christmas gift for his grandson. Finally, as a last resort, he wanders into Nick's Emporium, an old-fashioned store chock full of all sorts of gifts and knickknacks. He has a hard time explaining to Nick what he's looking for, but finds himself falling under the old storekeeper's spell. Just when Morse is about to buy something, he runs to the street to chase kids away from his car. When he returns, he finds the store suddenly dark and quiet. A policeman then shows up to run him off because, "This place ...

  Murder Runs in the Family

Comedy Mystery by Pat Cook

64 pages

5 m, 7 w


Heather Pallfeather is a modern-day damsel in distress whose stepfather just kicked the bucket. Or did somebody kick it for him? With this crazy family it's hard to tell! To get some straight answers she hires Jack Sparks, a private eye, to act as her fiance and accompany her to the estate for the reading of the will. Sparks thinks himself a pretty shrewd cookie...until the lights go out and he starts to crumble. Throw in the mother who gets lost in her own house, a cousin who's married to a known convict, interchangeable twins, a stepsister who's looking for...

  Barbecuing Hamlet

Farce by Pat Cook

69 pages

5 to 6 m, 7 w


Wouldn't it be great fun to direct William Shakespeare's "Hamlet"? That was what Margo Daley always thought...until she is hired to do just that by the Peaceful Glen Memorial Players in their theater, a renovated funeral home. They DO have a couple of conditions, however. Margo has to make the play a melodrama, so the audience will know when to throw the popcorn. And they can't be too loud because the lady who lives under the theater bangs her cane on the stage. Oh, and Margo has to insert the sponsors' names into the play and, by the way, has to take place i...

  Money in Uncle George's Suitcase

Comedy by Pat Cook

72 pages

3 m, 5 w


When Uncle George invites his whole family up for a weekend of fun at his rustic cabin, he actually wants them together so he can read his will. But between the bequeathing and his rambling stories, George drops the bomb that somewhere on the property is a suitcase holding four hundred and eighty thousand dollars! What follows is a hilarious farce of pettiness, slander, and greed. The relatives end up wrestling each other, falling down the stairs, and getting stuck in the furniture. "Yep, we're gonna have lots of fun!" says George as he's seen carrying a shov...

  Altar Egos

Comedy by Pat Cook

65 pages

8 m, 9 w doubling possible


"All we want is a simple wedding," agree Mark and Colleen as they get engaged. And their simple wedding stays simple, for about two minutes. Then the families get involved. There's the McMasters, who think the Frobishers are a bunch of snooty dudes, and the Frobishers, who picture the McMasters as a crowd of hillbillies. The bride's father keeps offering the soon-to-be-wed couple thousands of dollars to elope, "No questions asked!" The bride's mother decides to call in her sister, who is a sweet, lovely woman, until she becomes "The Coordinator, " a drill ser...

  Three Musketeers...All Swash and No Buckle

Farce by Pat Cook

60 pages

7 m, 8 w, extras


Here is our version of the Dumas classic. Young D'Artagnan seeks to become a musketeer, or at least see if that brochure about Paris is true. In the city for less than ten minutes, he finds himself facing all three of the musketeers when they are charged by Rochefort and the Cardinal's Guards. This spoof of seventeenth century France pulls out all the stops and is full of outrageous characters from a lying Cardinal who's into magic to Milady DeWinter who cannot get rid of her mother. Throw in a narrator, several star-crossed lovers, a race on stick horses and...

  Marquis Crossing Ladies Society's First Attempt at Murder

Comedy Mystery by Pat Cook

57 pages

3 m, 6 w


You think it's easy to write a murder? Just ask the Marquis Crossing Ladies Society for the Arts. They decide to do just that, especially when they find out they have to pay royalties to do someone else's play. "Anybody can write a murder," Emma tells the others, and Opaline immediately begins to try to strangle the other members "just to figure out how to do it." The ladies soon find themselves writing an "operatic murder mystery dinner theater with possible audience participation," providing no one sells fruit to the audience. Then two actual convicts on th...